Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
