I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
