I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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