I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
