My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I stole a fireplace last night.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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