If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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