he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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