Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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