We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
