Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
