there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
