god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
