She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Please don't give away my fajitas
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