I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
