The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
