When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
