omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
