1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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