They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
