Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
