her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
