I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
