You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
