You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
