I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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