He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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