matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
