i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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