I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
