only you would photoshop your dick
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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