it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
