I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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