I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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