And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
