if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
