just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
where am i from again
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
