Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
