The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
