I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
