Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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