Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
