I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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