My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
