I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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