You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
