is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Bring me that man meat
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
