Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
