please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
