her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
