I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
