Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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