worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
