Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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