and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
